Well, I was going to start a neato craft project tutorial today, and start it I did. Followed 5 minutes later by a quick crash and burn. The project (which I'll pick up, finish, and post soon by the bye) was going to be a long icicle/tooth/claw/cone shape. It was going to be peyote stitched out of itty bitty clear seed beads and this very intriguing coppery thread I found in my greatgrandma's old sewing kit ("vintage" for those of you who love to toss that word around lol). It was going to be super-cool.
And then it all fell metaphorically apart. My initial bead count was off, making the pattern impossible. Got that fixed. Then the thread broke. Got that fixed. Then the thread kinked and knotted and broke AGAIN. Threw the project into the box, gave it a few choice, colorful pieces of my mind, and put it away in my room so that it could think about what it had done.
I always say that these little projects, if they're not good for anything else, are at least profound teachers of patience, tenacity, and a sometimes blind persistence towards some tangible goal. Today's project became my professor of "How to Pick Your Battles 101".
It's been a rough week. To be honest, a rather shitty week. To be honester, a rather shitty past 6 months. I was turned down for a job I really wanted and that a part of me really needed. I found out that the physics degree I've been working my a** off on will really get me nowhere because it's coming from a liberal arts college I chose when I didn't really know how to pick out a college. I was turned down for an internship I found out far too late I actually would need in order to pursue a physics career. My friend got a much better internship. for the same field. in freaking Germany. I couldn't find a job for the 5-month summer I was chaotically dividing between my parents' homes and now I'm bored and broke. I found out that the initial job I had been turned down for was open again, and I got turned down again, passed up unknown and unproven noobs [I suspect] just because I happen to be graduating when all of the other "workers" will be (a miscalculation on the part of the "boss").
Yes, if you survived reading that paragraph, it's been a rather shitty 6 months. It's been building up. It's made me tired and frustrated and irritable and sometimes mean, I'm afraid to admit.
Today's project was like a mini version of all that: I had great intentions and plans, I gave it my best shot, which failed, so I gave it another shot, which also failed, and so on until I finally just quit. But I didn't give up completely. I didn't tear the project apart or throw it in the trash. I didn't send nasty emails or maybe slash a few tires like I really, really wanted to do.
No, I put it away. I know I do good work, work that I'm proud of and that other people do really like. And I know that that's true for everything I do. I lost those few rounds, and now I'm off to my corner of the ring to clean myself up, get myself together, and bide my time until I'm ready to try again.
Thanks, silly little project. Now I feel a bit more hopeful about what's to come.
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